MANY Australians remain confused about the carbon tax's purpose and impact. This simple guide should answer all of your questions and leave everybody in a state of enlightened carbon clarity.
Q: What is carbon?
A: Carbon is a solid non-metallic chemical element. It has nothing at all to do with the carbon tax, carbon pollution or carbon emissions, all of which refer to carbon dioxide.
Q: What is carbon dioxide?
A: Carbon dioxide is a naturally occurring gas emitted in human breath, among other sources. Plants feed on it. In solid form it is known as dry ice.
Q: When will the carbon tax be introduced?
A: Never, according to Prime Minister Julia Gillard, who in August 2010 told Australians: "There will be no carbon tax under the government I lead." On the other hand, the carbon tax comes into effect on July 1.
Q: Were we ever given a chance to vote for the carbon tax, as we were given a chance to vote for the GST?
A: No. The carbon tax became law in October 2011 during a parliamentary Labor cuddling ceremony, which overrides any electoral considerations.
Q: Really? The carbon tax caused Labor politicians to actually hug each other?
A: Yes. In fact, the carbon tax is the only known force powerful enough to make Julia Gillard and Kevin Rudd kiss. It's like giving Bacardi Breezers to north shore teenagers.
Q: What is the point of the carbon tax?
A: According to Gillard: "It's time to deliver the action on climate change we need. To do what is best for Australian families, what is best for future generations, what is best for this country."
Q: If the carbon tax is such a great thing, what did Labor say about it before the last election?
A: Treasurer Wayne Swan: "Certainly what we rejected is this hysterical allegation that we are moving towards a carbon tax. We reject that."
Q: Will the carbon tax make any difference at all to global climate trends?
A: It is scientifically impossible for a reduction in Australia's carbon emissions to make any significant difference to the planet's climate.
Q: How much carbon does Australia produce?
A: Only about 1.4 per cent of the planet's human-created carbon dioxide emissions come from Australia, about equal to Indonesia, and one-eighteenth the contribution of China.
Q: But I keep hearing that Australia has an enormous carbon output.
A: Carbon tax enthusiasts like to express Australia's carbon output in per capita terms, a trick designed to make a very small number appear very large.
Q: If per capita measurement is a method of charting carbon output, which nation is the greatest carbon criminal?
A: According to Britain's Guardian newspaper, it's Gibraltar. Terrifying, planet-ruining Gibraltar.
Q: Who will pay the carbon tax?
A: Directly, entities described by the prime minister as "big polludahs". Indirectly, you.
Q: Is the carbon tax meant to change my buying habits?
A: Yes. As Gillard said in 2011: "There will be price impacts. The whole point of pricing carbon is to say that goods that have got a lot of carbon pollution in them get relatively more expensive."
Q: Let's try that again. Is the carbon tax meant to change my buying habits?
A: No. The government has put in place a wide-ranging compensation scheme that is intended to cover cost of living increases for many Australians, so you can just keep on spending like you always did.
Q: What's the use of it then?
A: Good question.
Q: Who will profit from the carbon tax?
A: Carbon tax bureaucrats, who now have high-paying jobs in a sector of the government that didn't exist a few years ago.
Q: What kind of indirect costs might a carbon tax involve?
A: NSW government analysis claims average Sydney hospitals will face increased expenses of about $120,000 per year. Schools in Sydney could be paying about $9000 each per year.
Q: How will they pay?
A: With your taxes.
Q: Can the carbon tax ever be removed?
A: According to Climate Change Minister Greg Combet, Labor will never support any measures to repeal a tax that they pledged not to introduce. A Coalition government would require control of the Senate in order to remove the carbon tax.
Q: When is the next election?
A: By November 30, 2013.